Archive for the ‘Brooklyn’ Category

You Limy Bastards

Posted: April 27, 2007 in Brooklyn, Business, Culture, Food, Trends

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By Michael Hicks aka Mad Mike Mean Face

What goes perfect with a Corona? Yes, you little booze dumpster, you guessed it: a slice of lime. Getting a lime in the city is no problem, but the variety of prices can be daunting. Take your standard bodega where a lime can cost anywhere from 25 to 50 cents. Some have deals such as four for a dollar or buy four and the fifth one is free. The super markets sell limes for 33 cents apiece, which is generally a standard price in most produce departments.

The trendy organic stores like Dean & Deluca, Trader Joe’s and Whole Foods have a few different kinds of lime for the real connoisseur. You haven’t lived until you’ve tasted the citrus delicacy of a rumored $3.00 Dean & Deluca lime. These limes must be kept in a small temperature controlled oasis as not to spoil the moment that that $3.00 slice of lime hits your $1.50 beer. One example of variety is the Persian lime, which is commonly called the bear lime. The Persian lime is cultivated in the good old US of A, so those people bitching about the movie 300 should shut the fuck up cause we got yo limes bitches. The American manufactured limes are most likely harvested by immigrant workers earning around 33 cents an hour, which gives them plenty of money to buy limes from their local food stores. There’s also the infamous Key lime often called the West Indian or Mexican lime. Key lime pie is gross.

Down in Chinatown you can usually find a vendor selling four limes for a dollar next to a sewer drain. These limes tend to have a more flavorful taste but usually need a day or two to ripen. This is okay, unless you’re a raging drunk in need of a beer that requires a lime at that exact moment. Then again most raging alcoholics don’t drink beer that requires lime. Real drunks will drink anything, or in the case of the closet alcoholic soccer mom, wine is usually the weapon of choice. MADD would be so disappointed.

I walked past a hipster haven food market in Midtown where the name of the store was written in graffiti font. I guarantee those limes are at an above average price, say maybe in the 55 to 72 cent range. I don’t know about you, but I really could give a shit less if my limes go all city. I want my limes cheap and accessible. I bet those hipsters keep their limes right next to the fat cap carrots and the style wars broccoli.

The Korean grocer on my block sells limes for 29 cents each, but forget about organic that’s another tax bracket all together. So go ahead everyone, waste your hard earned money on limes, I’m drinking whiskey. Ice costs nothing in the winter and in the summer there’s always shots.